What Ray Shoesmith Taught Me About Being "The Help" for My Family: Radical Boundaries for the Sandwich Generation

If you’re part of the sandwich generation, you know the drill: juggling aging parents who need your help and grandkids who think you’re their personal superhero. It’s like being a fixer, but without the cool leather jacket or the luxury of walking away from chaos with a smirk. Enter Ray Shoesmith from Mr. Inbetween—not just a hitman, but a devoted father and brother who somehow manages to keep his sanity in a world that demands everything from him. Ray is the ultimate sandwich generation anti-hero. While we can’t exactly handle our family drama with his brand of “solutions,” there’s one thing we can learn from him: radical boundaries.

Radical Boundaries Are Not Just for Hitmen

Ray Shoesmith’s life in Mr. Inbetween is an exercise in saying no without guilt. He’s blunt, clear and unapologetic about protecting his peace. For those of us stuck in the sandwich generation, this is a rare and valuable skill. We often feel like we have to be everything to everyone—caregiver, mediator, chauffeur, chef and emotional support. But Ray’s no-nonsense approach reminds us that self-care for caregivers isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Here’s what radical boundaries look like in real life:

• Saying no to extra responsibilities when your plate is already full, even if it means disappointing others.

• Setting clear limits on your availability so you don’t become the 24/7 emergency contact.

• Communicating your needs firmly without over-explaining or apologizing.

• Recognizing your limits and accepting that you can’t fix every problem.

  
  

This isn’t about being cold or uncaring. It’s about preserving your energy so you can actually be there when it counts.

Why GenX Needs This Lesson Now

As a black GenX woman, I grew up with the idea that you should just “handle it” and “keep the peace.” But the sandwich generation is a different beast. The demands never stop and the emotional toll is real. Watching Mr. Inbetween is like getting a dose of TV therapy: Ray’s struggles and his way of handling them offer a mirror to my own life. He’s not perfect, but his clarity about boundaries is something we can all borrow.

Think about it: when was the last time you said no without guilt? When did you last put your own needs first without a mental guilt trip? If you can’t remember, it’s time to channel your inner Ray Shoesmith.

Blocked calendar time representing setting boundaries for self-care

Practical Steps to Start Saying No Like Ray

• Identify your non-negotiables. What are the things you absolutely need to protect your peace? Family dinners? Exercise? Quiet time?

• Practice saying no in low-stakes situations. Decline an invite or skip an extra chore to build your confidence.

• Use clear language. “I can’t take this on right now” beats “I’m sorry, but…”

• Remember your limits are valid. You’re not a superhero; you’re human.

  
  

The sandwich generation doesn’t have to feel like a never-ending crisis. With radical boundaries, you can carve out space for yourself and still be the caregiver your family needs.

Ray Shoesmith might not be your typical role model, but his approach to life in Mr. Inbetween offers a powerful lesson: sometimes, the best way to help others is by first helping yourself.