Ray Shoesmith: The Hitman, The Father and the Sandwich Generation Grind

Ray Shoesmith isn't your typical "hero." He doesn't do inspirational quotes and he definitely doesn't wear a cape. In the FX/Hulu series Mr Inbetween, Ray is a professional fixer—a guy who breaks legs and "takes out the trash" for a living. But the most human thing about Ray is that he’s a Gen X man caught in the brutal squeeze of the Sandwich Generation.

To be clear: I’m not romanticizing violence. I’m using Ray’s emotional skill set—compartmentalizing, boundaries, doing hard things without applause—as a metaphor. If you’re currently caring for aging parents while raising a kid I'm not comparing you to a hitman just highlighting the grit needed for the job. Ray Shoesmith is my anti-hero because he reminds me that caregiving isn't just about "precious moments"—it’s about grit, boundaries and surviving the chaoRay Shoesmith sScott Ryan .

Scott Ryan as Ray Shoesmith from Mr. Inbetween on FX

The Balancing Act

Ray shows us high-stakes multitasking. On any given day, he might:

• Negotiate with a drug kingpin in the morning.

• Tenderly care for his brother, Bruce, who suffers from Motor Neurone Disease, in the afternoon.

• Deal with the trauma of childhood and the emotional roller coaster of a father disappearing into dementia.

• Manage his daughter Brittany’s school drama and life questions by dinner.

One minute you’re on a “quick” work call, the next you’re handling a medication mix-up and by dinner you’re helping with homework while silently Googling “Is it normal that I’m crying at Target?” That’s the Sandwich Generation experience.

"I don't have 'outbursts.' I have 'incidents.' There’s a difference." — Ray Shoesmith

Survival Tactics I learned from the "Fixer"

1. Boundaries: “A boundary isn’t being mean. It’s refusing to drown so everyone else can stay dry.”

2. Unfiltered honesty: “Some days aren’t ‘hard.’ They’re awful. Naming that is not negativity—it’s reality.”

3. Loyalty to self: “You can love your people and still protect your peace like it’s a scarce resource—because it is.”

The Unsung Anti-Hero

I love the complexity of Ray's character on Mr. Inbetween because the Hallmark version of caregiving is just not me. Being a Gen X caregiver can be messy, thankless and occasionally it makes you want to scream into your pillow and cry yourself to sleep. I can be a "good" person—a devoted daughter and a loving mother—while still being a bit of a jerk when the world pushes me too hard. If you’re feeling the squeeze embrace the grit. Stop trying to be a superhero. You don't need a cape; just keep doing what you gotta do to get the job done.